Induction of Laughter in Tezuka Kunimitsu
by Ilanala
Summary: An extremely scientific report on the efforts of the Seigaku tennis club to help their captain relieve some of his stress through laughter.
1. Introduction and Experiment 1: Tickling

**The Efforts of the Seigaku Tennis Club to Induce Laughter in Tezuka Kunimitsu, by Inui Sadaharu et al**

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**Introduction  
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Members of the species Tezuka Kunimitsu (here we take "species" to mean one person, as the existence of any other Tezuka Kunimitsus is purely coincidental and has no bearing on the following experiments) are characterized first and foremost by unusual talent in and utter obsession with the sport of tennis, as well as by a singularly serious temperament. Research shows (1) that laughter provides great physical and emotional benefit for people under high strain.

Given the amount of pressure (largely self-imposed) on the aforementioned Tezuka, the regular members of the Seigaku tennis club chose to investigate ways of making Tezuka laugh with the goal of relieving some of the pressure. Such a phenomenon has not been observed in more than five years (2), and our results demonstrate just why achieving this goal is so difficult. However, we feel that the final conclusion will be of great benefit to the scientific community, allowing many overly serious people to experience laughter for the first time in years.

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1. Niou, M. (2004). "101 ways to torment your vice-captain to the amusement of the rest of the team", _Rikkai Journal of Sanada Torture_, Volume 2, pp. 2-58. 2. Tezuka Ayana, personal communication. 

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**Experiment 1: Tickling **

Kikumaru Eiji was chosen to carry out this experiment due to his ability to run away quickly in case of danger. Oishi Shuichiroh volunteered to serve as a distraction by discussing ranking matches with Tezuka, as this is a topic that has been proven to absorb 98 of Tezuka's attention if raised within three weeks of a tournament (3).

Tickling was performed on the side, 8.2 cm above each hip bone, using the index and middle finger of each hand and approaching from the rear. The duration of tickling was 4.56 seconds, after which Kikumaru was forcibly restrained by the subject. Despite the small amount of data available, we feel that this conclusively demonstrates that Tezuka is not ticklish on his side and that this is therefore not a viable method of inducing laughter. However, we are still attempting to devise an experiment to test ticklishness on the soles of the feet, as this has been shown to be a sensitive spot in 93 of subjects (4).

Despite its failure in terms of laughter induction, this experiment provided some interesting data as to the administration of punishments. Kikumaru was given 50 laps to run, a number specifically tailored to his limited endurance such that he would be pushed to his limit but not to the point of injury. Oishi was not punished, but it is unclear whether this was due to his friendship with Tezuka, sympathy for his not-entirely-voluntary participation or a failure on Tezuka's part to realize that Oishi was involved in the experiment. Taking into account the lack of punishment for the others involved in planning this experiment, we suspect the final option, despite the unlikelihood of Tezuka being unaware of anything involving the tennis club.

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3. Inui, S. and Fuji, S. (2003). "Specific obsessions of Tezuka Kunimitsu". _Proceedings of the Seigaku Academy of Tezuka Distraction_. Volume 8, p. 7. 

4. Kikumaru, E. (2004). "Invasion of personal space of Seishun Gakuen students". _Journal of Touchy-Feely Junior High School Boys_. Volume 1, pp. 1-458.

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**Author's Note: **For those unfamiliar with the format, this is supposed to resemble a lap report/scientific paper (hence the random citations). Stay tuned for further experiments, including silly costumes, puns and Inui Juice.


	2. Experiment 2: Silly Costumes

**Experiment 3: Silly Costumes**

For this experiment, two members of the Seigaku tennis club were recruited to dress up in potentially amusing costumes based on previous assessment of their willingness to dress up and the probability that Tezuka would find this amusing. A third member volunteered and was included in hopes of maximizing the likelihood of laughter. Fuji Syuusuke and Echizen Ryoma dressed as women, with clothing generously donated by the Kikumaru family. Preliminary tests found that 100 of observers had reactions of shock upon seeing them, followed by laughter in 92 of cases. No tests were done to determine whether Horio Satoshi, who chose to dress up as a dinosaur for reasons that will not be discussed here (5), was amusing to anyone. Costumes are shown in Figure 1.

The three costumed members arrived early at afternoon practice and positioned themselves at key points around the court before Tezuka's arrival. The subject immediately noticed Fuji and Echizen, but no surprise or amusement was detectable in his expression or behavior by even the most sensitive of measurements. The only observable reaction was an order to the two regulars to go change immediately and run 100 laps before rejoining practice. Horio appeared to go completely unnoticed for the five minutes before he left of his own volition. (Upon returning, he was told to run 50 laps for his late arrival.)

From this experiment, we must conclude that Tezuka does not find silly costumes worthy of laughter. No conclusions can be drawn from his lack of observable shock, as this could be due to a number of factors ranging from extreme self control to having seen Fuji and/or Echizen in similar attire at some previous point. (No data is available as to what the most likely reason is, and the researchers would prefer to leave that question to others with less of a potential conflict of interest.) There is a possibility that different costumes on different people might be more successful in inducing laughter, but given Tezuka's complete lack of reaction, we believe this is highly unlikely and have therefore chosen to abandon this avenue of experimentation.

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5. Echizen, R. (2004). "Incontrovertible proof that Horio is an idiot". Journal of People No One Cares About. Volume 87, pp. 300-462.

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**Author's Note: **To see this story in its proper form complete with figures and a little extra text that I couldn't include due to formatting issues, check out my livejournal (link in my profile, as I can't get it to work here). 

Apologies for the shortness of this installment, but I may not have time to write the next one for a while, so I figured I'd post this while I had a chance. Coming up next, Experiment 3: Puns...


	3. Experiments 3 and 4: Puns and Cuteness

**Experiment 3: Puns**

Much research has been conducted on the effect of puns on tennis players. They have been found to provoke a variety of responses including confusion, amusement, annoyance and occasionally violence (6). We hoped to use puns to elicit an amusement response from Tezuka, thereby causing him to laugh. To this end, we obtained Amane Hikaru from Rokkaku, who is considered by many to be Japan's best source of puns.

First, we isolated Amane from Kurobane Harukaze, who is known to have an inhibitory effect on his punning abilities (6). He was then engaged in conversation by Fuji Syuusuke after morning practice at a proximity of 4.3 feet from Tezuka. As controls, Momoshiro Takeshi and Oishi Shuichiroh were placed equidistant from the conversation. Over the course of a 5.6 minute conversation, 38 puns were emitted. A 94.7 and 97.3 laughter rate was observed in the controls, confirming that the puns were, in fact, funny.

From Tezuka, unfortunately, no laughter was observed. Expressions of annoyance or distaste were observed for 36.8 of the puns, with no reaction evident for the remainder. The final pun resulted in Tezuka leaving the court, thus forcing the experiment to conclude before the intended ten-minute length.

This experiment clearly demonstrates that Tezuka is of the group that does not find puns amusing. However, puns did not result in violence or punishment for those involved, suggesting that he is annoyed rather than angered by them. Thus, despite the failure of this experiment to induce laughter, it may prove useful for future research if Tezuka ever needs to be driven away or otherwise irritated.

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6. Amane, H. (2005). "On the control and effect of puns on the Rokkaku Tennis Club." Journal of Horrible Japanese Puns. Volume 3, pp. 63-79.

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**Experiment 4: Cuteness**

The adorable antics of Hyotei's Akutagawa Jiroh have been shown to result in sincere smiles from even the likes of Atobe Keigo (7), suggesting that such cute enthusiasm might produce laughter from even the most serious of subjects. To test this hypothesis, we acquired a dormant Akutagawa (Kabaji Delivery Services, Hyotei Gakuen). He was placed outside the Seigaku tennis courts in a strategic location and woken with a bucket of cold water during the first point of a practice match between Tezuka and Fuji Syuusuke (scheduled with help from Ryuuzaki Sumire).

Fuji has an excitatory effect on Akutagawa (8), so he immediately became enthusiastic and bouncy at the sight of the tennis match. 100 of people within a 8 m radius could not help smiling or laughing at his reactions. While changing courts, Fuji smiled and said hello to Akutagawa, who jumped up and down and told him how great a match this was. Tezuka showed no reaction, but at the next court change he very soberly told the spectators to please quiet down. Unable to maintain his excitement in silence, Akutagawa quickly fell asleep.

Once again, we can conclude that even the enthusiasm of Akutagawa Jiroh is not sufficient to make Tezuka laugh or even smile. However, it did cause laughter in nearly all other observers, suggesting that Akutagawa may have applications for motivational purposes or the treatment of depression. It is our hope the Hyotei's tennis players will consider pursuing this avenue of research.

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7. Oshitari, Y. (2003). "Evidence that Atobe is, in fact, human". Journal of Potential Blackmail Material. Volume 38, pp. 3-60. 

8. Fuji, S. (2005). "Isn't Jiroh funny (when he's not beating my little brother)?" Journal of Cute But Not Fluffy Things. Volume 8, pp. 3-7.

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	4. Experiment 5: Victory and Notes

**Experiment 5: Victory**

Tennis is the one thing that has been conclusively demonstrated to make Tezuka happy, occasionally even to the point of smiling (9). We hypothesized that if tennis alone could make him smile, victory in tennis matches might be enough to make him laugh. Preliminary data from regional matches failed to support this hypothesis, but we believed that victory at Nationals would have a different effect, as it would be the achievement of a goal Tezuka had been worked toward for several years (10).

The design of this experiment was quite complicated, as it required the control of many variables, both within the tennis club and in the larger junior high tennis world. We found this control impossible to achieve, but we were lucky enough to obtain the desired conditions despite these difficulties. Seigaku faced Rikkai Dai Fuzoku in the finals at the National Junior High Tennis Tournament and won thanks to Tezuka's victory in singles one.

No objective measure for emotional response exists, but observers described Tezuka's immediate reaction to this victory as "shocked", "relieved" and "expressing less excitement than a piece of toast", none of which bear any resemblance to amusement. At this stage, we began to suspect that it was not, in fact, possible to induce laughter in Tezuka. Certain personality types appear to be incapable of laughter (11), and although they are rare, we had to allow for the possibility that Tezuka might fall into this category. There is no reliable test for this condition, so there was no way to determine whether it was worth continuing our experiments, and we began to consider abandoning this avenue of research for a more readily testable hypothesis.

The National tournament concluded with a ceremony in which trophies were awarded to the winners. Upon receipt of the first-place trophy, Tezuka exhibited a slight smile response, lasting an unprecedented 23 seconds, but failed to proceed to laughter. When he regained his customary serious expression, Kikumaru Eiji spoke to him. The exact wording has been debated among witnesses, but the nearest approximation we could obtain is, "Ne, Tezuka. We just won Nationals. You could at least pretend to be happy."

Tezuka responded with a brief smile before saying, "I am happy". "Then show it," Kikumaru replied, administering a poke to Tezuka's right shoulder. Then, finally, Tezuka laughed, a chuckle that lasted for approximately 4 seconds, meeting the ILC standards for laughter (12). Thus, we can conclude that, despite significant previous evidence to the contrary, under the right conditions, even Tezuka Kunimitsu can be made to laugh.

9. Inui, S. (2005). "That one time Tezuka actually smiled". _Journal of Momentous Occasions_. Volume 4, pp. 36-40.  
10. Oishi, S. "Stuff Tezuka has told me". _Oishi's Personal Journal That Inui Really Shouldn't Be Reading_. Volume 2, pp. 1-98.  
11. Sengoku, K. (2004). "What's with that Kabaji guy anyway?". _Journal of Bizarre Character of the Junior High Tennis World_. Volume 312, pp. 6-23.  
12. "Toward a clearer definition of laughter for use in vitally important scientific research". _Proceedings of the International Laughing Committee_. Volume 1, pp. 1-19.

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**Notes**

The authors would like to thank the members of the Seishun Gakuen tennis club, especially Oishi Shuichiroh, Kikumaru Eiji, Echizen Ryoma and Fuji Syuusuke for carrying out these experiments despite the significant risk of death having to run laps. We would also like to thank Amane Hikaru, Akutagawah Jiroh and Kabaji Munehiro for their help with individual experiments, and Ryuuzaki Sumire for supporting our research. We would like to credit the Rikkai Dai tennis club for providing us with the favorable conditions necessary for Nationals-induced laughter and extend our condolences for their loss.

And, most importantly, we would like to thank Tezuka Kunimitsu for participating in this study and encourage him to continue to demonstrate his sense of humor by not making us run laps after the publication of this article.


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